10 ways to be Effectively Assertive

1. Know the distinction between being assertive versus being aggressive or arrogant
Assertive people promote their rights rather than stepping on those of others.

2. Have clear boundaries when dealing with others.
If you're clear where the limits are, others know as well.

3. Politely but directly, let people know your position.
Don't allow your position, point of view and feelings to be ignored. Your needs are important.

4. Affirm yourself and your good qualities.
Develop self-confidence and positive self-esteem.

5. Know what you want.
There is a time and a place to go along with others but there is also a time to reach for your own dreams.

6. Avoid being timid.
While aggressiveness steps on the rights of others, being overly timid sacrifices your own rights. Don't let others steamroller you.

7. Be willing to clearly say either yes or no and to stand by your answer.
Allow yourself to develop opinions and maintain them.

8. Avoid arrogance.
Dominance and controlling tendencies impinge on others being themselves.

9. When opinions are in question, give yourself permission to self-disclose.
Let others know your viewpoint and recognize that it is significant.

10. Take responsibility for yourself.
Don't make many excuses. Require that friends and associates take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Avoid being codependent; be careful not to dominate quieter spirits.

The secrets of thinking

One of the parents I was speaking with wanted to share her concern for the upbringing of her children in this world. How was she to keep them away from drugs, alcohol and glamour? She cried with fear and pain, “Swamiji, my life is miserable whenever I think of my children in this wicked world. What should be my approach to the bringing up of my children?”

Often I question the very genesis of such an enquiry. When we operate out of fear, we transmit the energy of fear to our children; in a subtle way, of course. If we were to operate out of trust, we would transmit trust to our children.

We have to realise that our actions are born from our thoughts. Our thoughts are the products of our values, and values come from our own belief system. If we believe life is miserable, we attract misery; if we believe life is beautiful, we attract happiness. This is called the ‘Law of Attraction’.

We get what we focus on; so focus on the fact that good things will happen to our children. This is one of the strong variables, which would impact our children.

But the parent asks lovingly, “Why do children detest advice?”

The question is, are they really against advice or the way we administer it? Every parent should be sensitive to this aspect.

Reflect on this story: A money-minded son after having his lunch wrote a note to his mother that she owed him $25 and he gave a detailed account- $ 5 for cleaning the house, $ 5 for washing the dishes, $ 15 for mowing the lawn.

The mother was shocked on reading the note. She however decided to educate her son.

In turn she kept a note on the dining table, which read- “Oh! Son, you owe me nothing.” My account runs like this: $ 0 for cooking your food, $ 0 for washing your clothes, $ 0 for ironing them, $ 0 for cleaning your bathroom, $ 0 for taking you to the doctor, $ 0 for the present on your birthday, $ 0 for taking you to the school and bringing you back Finally, dear son, you owe me nothing; because I love you.

The son read this note and was deeply touched.

Children are not against advice; but they are very sensitive to the way it is administered. The heart of education is the education of the heart.

She further asks, “How to deal with children’s boredom despite the variety in entertainment through media?”

Reflect on this story:

A boy complained to his grandmother, “No one likes me at school and life is bitter. My teachers reprimand me, friends are better than me in sports, some friends are better than me in studies and I feel bitter about life”.

“Shall I make a cake for you?,” asked the grandmother.

“Good, I badly need to sweeten my life,” said the boy.

After some time, she gave him flour. “This is not cake, it is so bitter,” screamed the boy. Then she gave him little baking powder.Again the boy screamed, “This is not cake, it is so bitter.” Then she gave him an egg. “This is not cake, it is not tasty,” screamed the boy.

Then the grandmother lovingly told the boy, “Individually each one of them is not tasty but when put together; it becomes a cake”.

“In the same way,” she said, “Individually your experiences are bitter; but join them together with commitment and transformation. Add the sugar of your being and make it a cake. Life is like cooking, you should just make it.”

BY SWAMI SUKHABODHANANDA

Perception

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

" It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son."So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.

"The boy's father was speechless.Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are.

"Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and good friends are too few."

God never makes mistakes. When God pushes you over the cliff only one out of two things can happen. Either He is ready to hold you when you are falling or He is ready to teach you to FLY.